


I can't escape the way I love you(I don't want to)

by blisstatement



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Declarations Of Love, Deja Vu, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flash Forward, Flashbacks, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Girls Kissing, Heavy Angst, Hope they fix them in season 2, Lexi is briefly in this, My First Work in This Fandom, Other characters are briefly mentioned as well, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 11:28:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20173504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blisstatement/pseuds/blisstatement
Summary: After many months of absence, Jules shows up on Rue's doorstep.





	I can't escape the way I love you(I don't want to)

**Author's Note:**

> This contains spoilers from the last episode of Euphoria so if you haven't watched it yet, then I recommend you save this fic until you get the chance to.  
(This is basically what I want their reunion to be like in season 2, that is, if they get a good one or even one at all so this isn't canon, it's very OOC so bare with me please and thank you.)

Rue never expected herself to be doing as well as she was now, but she was grateful for all of the support from the people she cared the most about. She started to attend therapy and went to the meetings for her addiction, but as good as all of that made her feel, there was something missing from her life, and anyone close to her knew exactly what that something was. Ever since Jules had skipped town, Rue had been different, more distant. Her progress was going great, but everyone around her feared a relapse due to the depression she felt at the blonde girl leaving so long ago. 

“Are you sure you don't want me to spend the night with you tonight? I know that your mom is working late and Gia is at her friends.” Lexi explained as she angled her body so that she was facing her best friend, but all Rue offered her was a small head shake, standing up from her place on the couch and extending her hand to the brunette, who took her hand without any form of hesitancy. The pair walked to the unlocked front door and shared a hug before Lexi stepped out onto the porch stoop, turning to face her once she was frozen.

“Rue, are you sure you don't want me to stay? Mom and Cassie will live without me being there with them for one night.” To be honest, Lexi wanted to go home because as much as she loved her unruly friend, she was starting to develop a dependency on her, like she had with Jules, and she didn't want to be the cause of any future relapses.

“Yeah Lex I'm sure. You've already done so much for me and um, you deserve a break.” Rue insisted, giving her friend a small smile before embracing her once more, giving her a squeeze before stepping back and leaning against the pillar on the porch, watching Lexi walk down the stairs and out into the misty air, pulling her hood over her head before climbing onto her bike and riding off onto the vacant street. Rue watched her go until she could no longer see her, and once she was sure she was alone, she hurried into the house and locked the door behind her, curling back up onto the couch and unpausing the episode of Love Island she had been watching with Lexi, her eyes flitting between each of the contestants aimlessly. She laid on the couch blankly staring at the television screen for almost another hour, before she stood up and made preparations to head to bed for the night. She picked up her blanket and began to fold it up when a quiet knock sounded at the front door, and her blood ran cold at all the negative possibilities awaiting her on the other side of the door. 

"Fuck fuck fuck.” She mumbled underneath her breath as she ran into the kitchen and grabbed the small handknife Gia had borrowed from a friend, slipping it into the sleeve of her fathers old sweatshirt before carefully walking to the door, looking out the peephole to see if she could see anything. Unfortunately, it had started raining without her knowledge so her sliver of a window was smudged, which made it unable to see anything on the outside, including whatever lurked on the other side of the mahogany door. She cursed God and everything else as she slowly unlocked the locks protecting her from the dangers of the outside world, and she tightened her grip on the maroon colored sleeve as the door swung open to reveal her front porch, which housed someone she thought she wouldn't see again for a very long time, or ever again for that matter.

“J-Jules?” Rue stuttered out, trying to swallow back the tears that so badly wanted to pour down her hollow cheeks, and all she could do was step out onto the porch and embrace the blonde so tightly she couldn't breathe. Jules still smelled the same, and looked the same too aside from minor changes to her physical appearance, but it was still the same girl she had hopelessly fell for, _ her Jules. _

“How have you been?” Jules asked once they finally separated, and Rue could barely get out the words she had formulated inside of her head before she felt the world begin to spin, and then.. nothing.

Rue awoke to gentle and familiar fingers probing at her forehead, and she fluttered her eyelids open to look up at the girl above her, who looked so beautiful it almost felt painful to look at her. 

“Jules.” She spoke her name softly, like some kind of prayer, and the blonde smiled as she bent over to press her lips against the hot skin of her forehead, muttering something she couldn't quite catch before she straightened back up to her previous position, her fingers now making a pathway through Rue's tangled curls, and although it was painful, she wouldn't trade the feeling for the world. 

“You fainted and hit your head, but I tended to you, and you should be totally fine.” Jules explained, her fingers retracting themself from her hair and onto her lap, where she fiddled with the pastel pink colored knee high socks that hid the paleness of her slender legs. Rue struggled to sit up, and with some guidance from the blonde, was now sitting across from her with a confused expression.

“Why are you back here Jules?” The smile the blonde had been wearing faltered completely, and was now replaced with a painful expression, one that hurt her to look at. Jules didn't say anything for a long time, and Rue was beginning to think she wouldn't utter another word for her time here, but with a long breath, she finally looked her in the eyes and smiled softly once more, making her heart feel like it was going to beat out of her chest.

“Because I missed you.” She replied simply, reaching over to grab her hand from where it laid on the bed, but Rue pulled hastily away, shaking her head in disbelief as she stood up from her messy bed, her feet beginning to move quickly as she paced in front of her bedroom door, out of anger and pain nonetheless. Jules watched her hasty movements with pain evident in her eyes, but she was too fearful to try and get close to her in this state, so she sat and waited patiently for her to slow, and once she did, she could feel the palpable tension in the air.

"You leave for fucking months on end, and I don't even get any response from you, and your only response is that you missed me? How do you think it fucking felt without you here? I cried for weeks and refused to speak to anyone until it started to hurt less and less until the pain was dormant and then I got up off my ass and tried so hard to fix myself. And I was doing pretty goddamn good until you decided you wanted to play dodgeball with my fucking heart again.” Rue vented as tears began to stream down her face, and she felt herself sinking onto the clothing covered floor, her heart in her throat. Jules wordlessly got up from her spot on the bed and walked over to where she sat, removing her shoes and sliding onto the floor next to her, trying to find the right words to make the situation better.

“I'm sorry.” Was all she could think to say, and Rue glanced at her through the tears limiting her vision, and she could see that she was feeling remorseful for what had happened the night of prom. 

“I loved you. So much.” She said after a stretched period of silence, and she felt Jules sliding her hand over hers, and as much as she wanted to pull away, she knew she couldn't, not after everything that had happened tonight.

“I know. That's why I left. I've never been in love before Rue and I was literally so afraid of what I felt for you, because it was stronger than anything I had ever felt in my life. I know I was selfish to leave you at the train station and even at all, but I didn't know what else to do.” Her voice cracked as she finished her explanation, and the only thing Rue knew to do was take her hand fully in hers and squeeze her fingers as tightly as she could.

“I'm afraid too Jules, I've never felt genuine love towards anyone before either, and when I met you.. everything changed for me. I didn't want to just fade into the background anymore, I wanted to be with you and be spontaneous and actually feel like I mattered. And when I was struggling to get clean, you were there for me. You cared for me despite all of my flaws, and that's why losing you hurt as bad as it did. I never thought I would be happy again, for a long time at least.” Rue trained her gaze on the floor as she spoke the words into existence, feeling her heart constrict with every word. She never expected to confess her love for Jules on her dirty bedroom floor, but she figured that since this place was a security blanket for the both of them, it felt oddly perfect that it was here rather than anywhere else. 

“I think you're perfect no matter what Rue, despite all of the flaws. My time away has really made me value you and your love, and the love that I've been suppressing for you out of the fear I've always had at getting too attached to one person. If you'll have me, I want to try to be better for what will come for us after.” For the first time in her life, Jules Vaughn was shy, and nothing in the world could amuse Rue more than seeing the girl of her dreams redder than a tomato and trying to tell her how she felt about her in a way that was uniquely Jules, but she also felt fresh tears well up in her eyes for particularly no reason at all.

“I like the sound of that. Now do you want to sleep in my bed tonight, or are you going to go back to your dads?” Rue asked carefully, chewing on her chapped lips as she took in her expression, which was for once completely unreadable to her. She was afraid that the blonde would run away again or worse, but once she saw the smile she loved so much stretch across her nude coated lips, she knew what her answer would be before she even said it out loud.

“I would love nothing more than that.” The two girls helped one another up from the comfortably cushioned floor, and Rue's heart was threatening to beat out of her chest again as Jules silently changed into one of her long t-shirts, which hid her frame as she timidly walked over to the same side of the bed she had laid on the night of the carnival, and she felt deja vu in waves as they climbed in next to one another, Rue facing her in the light that the moonlight spilling in front of her cracked window offered her, and she thought she couldn't be any happier until she felt small hands on either side of her face, and then her lips were molded perfectly against the blonde's, who held her similarly to the way she did the night of the carnival, where they were both so consumed in the well-being of one another that it was hard for them to fathom much of anything else, and Rue was sure there was no other feeling better than this one. Once they broke away for air, she turned onto her side and felt slender arms wrap around her torso almost immediately, goosebumps rising all over her body as Jules buried her face in the space between where her shoulder separated her neck.

  
“I'll be here when you wake up.” Jules whispered sleepily, her hand sliding towards Rue's in the darkness, and all the brunette could do was nod her head softly in response and squeeze her girls hand a little tighter. She fell asleep for once with a smile on her face, and although the two had a lot they had to work on, Rue knew they would get there no matter what happened, which is what her last thought was before she drifted off into a kaleidoscope of memories, Jules being at the center of it all.

_She would always be the center of it all._

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I haven't posted anything on this account since March of this year, so my apologies for that, but I've become obsessed with the HBO show Euphoria lately(honestly I haven't met anyone yet who ISN'T obsessed with it) and this is how this small angsty fic was created. I love the dynamic of Rue and Jules, and although their relationship isn't the healthiest in the world, my heart still beats for them, which is why this was quite lengthy(it's honestly an outlet for all of the pain rules put me through in the last episode). Please don't leave hate on this because I really did pour my heart and all of the pain I've felt watching them drift away from one another time and time again into this story, so I would appreciate it if I only got comments about my work and not about their relationship IC(this is incredibly OOC but not really I don't think). Leave kudos and your comments, and feel the pain that I felt while writing this x. Hope everyone is well and is coping well with things going on in their life, and if not, things will get better eventually, you just have to give it time and patience.


End file.
